This is my healing journal.

Monday, June 23, 2008

I'm still around

I haven't felt much like posting. I've seen friends of mine go for nearly as long without saying anything new on their blogs. But, I wanted to wait and see if I would hear anything with regards to Bert's employment status before I wrote anything.

Bert is still looking, though he's looking for jobs other than cook jobs right now, though that is his passion. He's believing that whatever he can find will be an improvement on what he went through at Vista Grande Villa, and with the attitude he's taking on, I believe that he may be right. He's also been reading his Bible every day and we've been going through "Mastering the Seven Decisions" by Andy Andrews. But, I can't help but feel there's something more we need to be doing. Just what that is, I don't know. Prayer is definitely also in the cards.

I think I'm the one who really needed an attitude change the past couple of weeks. I've been encouraging Bert to continue on and telling him he's making the right choices. But, I have not been feeling strong, or that is, I believed I was not as strong as I made myself out to be. I've come to the conclusion how wrong I was. Every time I've ever said I'm not that strong, God always seems to point out to me, that my strength is knowing when I need to lean on Him or on those around me for support. I actually rememver saying to someone recently, "I don't feel strong enough to go on" and yet, I'm still here. So, if I'm still here, I am strong enough.

I've been dealing with family stuff as well. That won't stop, until we can get together to clean out the house and once we've liquidated Mom's stocks, etc. I don't know whether it's fortunate or not. However, were it not for her and how she provided for all of us kids, we might not have our house still and the bills would not continue to be paid here. It is going to get better though. i know it is!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Update Update

Bert is looking for jobs and getting trained on the computer. I'm enjoying him being home. But, I'm beginning to wish I had my old routine back. There's a part of me who wishes she didn't have to be strong, she didn't have to go through the studying we're doing, only a small part. But, that's enough to be an annoyance. I am finding it hard to actually keep up with the new schedule while he's looking forwork. However, this too will pass.

Bert said that the best interview he has ever had was yesterday. It was at a pub where cooking from scratch is an important part of their reputation. He has longed to work in such a place. The executive chef who interviewed him actually affirmed Bert, told him he ws an okay person and that he would keep him in mind, even for private parties. Between that and learning computers at Michigan Works, he's doing quite well.

My prayer partner wanted to know why it was Bert and I weren't at an open house the Saturday before Memorial Day. When I told her that I had had to work,s he said that I could have made it after work. I pointed out to her that after doing four massages, I really don't want to go anywhere except to dinner and then home. She acted likeI should have dropped everything and just come anyway. That was two days after Bert had been suspended. I couldn't think coherently, much less between working and trying to pull Bert together, I really didn't want to be around others. Is it really hard for people to understand?

I will get through this. But, people act like life must go on and I know it will. It's just that until Bert finds a job, I need to continue to be a source of strength for him and try to mange the rest of my routine as best I can. I thank those of you reading this for your support.