Orphaned at forty-five

On Saturday, I turn forty-five years old. But, it doesn't feel right. This is the first year without both my parents. My father left this world nine years ago. However, Mom was always there to call me or send me a birthday card, until this year.

This year, nothing feels right. Mom's gone. Sure, we've been able to do some things with the life insurance money like get some home repairs done and buy our new car. However, everyone in my family is fighting over the estate. Ebba isn't well. So, she's resigning as trustee. She's suggested that Sandy and Chrissy take over managing the estate. However, the attorney seems to think Nels would be a better choice. But, it seems Nels has either borrowed from or owes the estate money for some reason already. Everyone is blinded by Mom's colection of Mexican masks, the house and everything in it. But, if we continue not to settle on a date to clean out the house and for a guy to come and apraise the masks, we'll lose it all.

I have a feeling that I will be called upon to negotiate the date of the house cleaning, etc. But, I don't want it. I want to be a little girl again, who felt secure in the love of her family, no matter how mixed up we were. There's so much greed and hatred now, especially from my sister Chrissy, and no one wants to make things right with my brother Bob, (the one Mom had not spoken with for the last years of her live). I'm not enjoying my first birthday of orphanhood.