This is my healing journal.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Weighty decisions

This week seems to be one in which I find myself needing to take stands on so much. It's not that I have not taken stands on things before. It's just so much seems to be happening to people around me.

On Tuesday, the president of our BNI chapter asked me if I would talk tomorrow as the educational coordinator for our group on integrity between members. His reasoning for me to do that was to get back at a member who had wronged him deeply. I've been grappling with how I am going to give the talk Brad asked for, and decided that instead, I would talk about what I originally was going to talk about, waking up each day and "greeting it with a forgiving spirit". I've been doing the talks for the past few weeks based on "The Traveler's Gift" by Andy Andrews. In this novel, Andrews talks about seven decisions to success, all of which I have been following to some degree since I read the book two years ago. I've re-read it several times as a refresher. The choice to greet each day with a forgiving spirit is the sixth decision. I will talk about the importance of integrity. Yet, I will talk about it in the context of forgiveness. My prayers are that Brad and the member he is having some disagreement with will listen and understand the importance of forgiveness.

Friday afternoon, I received a phone call from one of the massage therapists in my building. She was asking me if I would participate in an event for the Relay for Life.
Relay for Life is linked with the American Cancer Society and while I know the ACS has done a lot of good, they are pro choice, as they support Embryonic Stem Cell Research. If I chose to work the fundraiser, I would be supporting an organization who is for abortion. Too many Christians support the Relay for Life events and don't really understand the fine line there that they cross. I called her back and explained my decision, and her response was that I was not getting it. Oh well... I'm not going to let what she has to say influence my decision, and if it gets back to Kelly our landlord, I hope she will approach me on it, rather than listen to what someone might be saying about me.

Yesterday, I received a phone call from a friend who asked me to keep her in prayer. Because of many ongoing problems between her, her husband and her mother and how they raise her children, Child Protective Services have separated her from her children and her mother. The house they had been lving in had been condemned.

If anyone were to walk into my house, they would certainly not understand how on earth I could live in such chaos, as I have piles. However, each pile is a pile that only makes sense to me, and they are not always in the greatest places. But, I am aware of it, and am actually thinking that it is something I need to improve on. Yet, my house is clean. If I'm not cleaning, Bert is, or Michelle, (my friend who cleans houses for a living who wanted to help in exchange for massages is). I didn't used to be that way, and Denise had been one of the friends who had confronted me on that.

Ever since her pregnancy of her oldest child nine years ago, Denise has chosen not to be an imaculate housekeeper. In fact, she (according to her mom) has become "a filthy slob". I find those words hard, as Connie had told her that she needed to change and then backed away from her original decision to have Denise and her husband and children move out if she didn't see any improvement, because she needed their financial help in order to keep that house.

Denise's husband is slow. At the time CPS had house inspectors come through their home, there had been a flood. He and Denise had moved boxes of junk Denise had been collecting since she was eighteen! (Good God. If I had everything I had from the time I was eighteen... Anyway, he had moved these boxes on top of the range and in front of every exit for escape from a fire. And this was okay with Denise!

In her phone call, Denise made jokes about me coming down to help her. Yet, after talking with Bert about what had happened, we decided that we needed to tell Denise that we love her. But, she's going to have to take care of herself. We can't help her.

Finally today, we went to the house of our tax preparer. I dearly love Nancy. She's been like a second Mom to me, which is why the conditions of her trailer saddened me. There was a strong smell of animal waste, because her seventeen-year-old dog has been peeing in different areas throughout the house. From what Bert told me, there was stuff strewn everywhere. The kitchen was filthy. I found myself longing to leave, as my artificial eyes began to act up and my stomach began to churn. How I longed to actually bring a crew of women in to clean with Nancy's permission, and I probably will talk with her about that, because I just can't get the picture of what I felt and smelled out of my mind.

I don't know why it is I'm being tested with lots of stuff like this right now. Usually, if I have decisions to make like these, they don't all happen at once. The strange thing is, in each case, I found myself while feeling sadness, anger and frustration, I've been at peace with every choice I've made, at peace, and able to make them quickly.


  • At March 10, 2008 at 9:17 PM , Blogger Suzanne R said...

    Your thought processes and decisions all strike me as intelligent, sensible, and -- though involving some difficult situations -- for the best for all concerned. I believe that God is guiding you, as you are open to His inspiration, and that you will continue to be steady and clear-headed. I hope you will keep us posted on what transpires in these various situations.

  • At March 11, 2008 at 8:37 PM , Blogger Healing Song said...

    Thanks, Suzanne and I will keep you posted on here.


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