This is my healing journal.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

The Waiting...

It's been six weeks since Mom was admitted to the hospital. Things don't look good at all. For the third time, she has been put on the bentilator. (I had no idea it had been that many times until I visited her yesterday and the nurse talked with me.)

I don't know what to think. Why does my sister and her partner feel it necessary to prolong a life that is not going to be a quality of life Mom would have wanted? My brother Nels was there when I got there and he pointed out to me that certain members of my family had lied, so that Mom could be vented, even though it states in her will that this is not what she wanted.

It looks so strange to see her lying in her bed, hooked up to a machine, her hands feeling so warm they're almost on fire, her hair lifeless feeling and dull even through the gloves I had to wear. I gave her Reiki, taking my chances, as that meant getting nearer to her than just holding her hand. But, I'm believing I will not become ill.

I know he is reading this, and I know I've said this to him twice already However, Tom C.'s words to me on Monday night, when I was reading an Email from him to me with regards to my family broke a dam that needed to be broken, and I cried for two and a half hours straight. My family is sending mixed messages to each other. My two sisters who are taking the most cae of Mom are saying that those of us who are healthy, aren't helping enough. Yet, they were also telling me that it would be useless for me to go, because I would not be able to tell if she was awake or responsive. Tom's question was exactly what I thought which was "I wonder where the love is"?

When I told him he was an angel of healing and that his words helped me, his response was he was "Just a nosy ole man that couldn't keep his mouth shut". No, dear friend. Wheter you realized it or not, you let God speak through you to my battered soul. And I do mean it, I will be there for you any time you need it as well.


  • At December 6, 2007 at 2:03 PM , Blogger Tom C said...

    Yes, I am reading this.Yes I will do as you asked.
    Quietly walk through this if you can and lead. Lead not with words but with who you are. Don't let the other members of your family dictate your feelings.


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