This is my healing journal.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


Yesterday, I received a phone call from my sister Sandy. The phone call was in regards to my mother. I knew something was wrong, because the caller ID said "Call from Raynor Sherry", and it was a little after 3:00 in the afternoon. Mom never calls me at that time.

I had been dreading just such a phone call, since I had visited Mom after her last hospital stay last month.

At that time, Mom had come home from somewhere, went to get out of her car and fell into a sitting position outside her car. She then spent the next ten hours sitting outside her locked car. Actually, it was a little less than that, because at around 3:00 in the morning, she was able to get up enough strength to get into her car, retrieve her cell phone and try to call my brother Nels. She left a message on his cell phone and he came and found her three hours later. The date was October 2, a relatively warm day as I do recall, thank God.

At that point, Mom was in the hospital for close to a week. My sisters were all there to take care of her. None of them thought that it would be a good idea to call me, until things had settled down a bit. Typical of my family. I'm usually the last to know, though now that Mom isn't speaking to her oldest son, he's the last to know anything, because I'm the one to call him.

On October 17, Bert and I went to visit Mom in her home. My sister Sandy was visiting with her at the time, and we had a nice visit. Yet, we both walked away, knowing that we probably would be getting a call similar to the one we got yesterday. It's just none of the family thught it would be this soon.

Four days after my sister left my Mom's on October 23, she was checked back into the hospital again. They don't know totally what is wrong with her. They are running all kinds of tests, with results that are inconclusive in showing what is wrong with her at this point. Sandy said that she would have called me sooner. However, she has had to field all the phone calls that have been coming n for Mom, cancel all Mom's appointments, assure friends that Mom is still alive, because one friend actually told a bunch of people Mom was dead.

They do know Mom has MRSA. My sister Ebba had gone to visit her at the time, not knowing Mom had MRSA. She herself has a compromised immune system due to cancer treatments. From what her doctor said to her, she has been ordered not to come down again, until they know that Mom is well enough for Ebba to visit.

My sister Sandy said that Mom doesn't recognize anyone, except at short intervals, probably because of all the medications they have had her on. The have transferred her from ICU several times to a main floor, only to have her get worse again and have to go back up to ICU.

As I heard about Mom's health deteriorating from a distance, I found myself thinking how grateful I was that anything I had needed to forgive Mom for had already been done. Yet, I knew, just about everyone else in my family has a grudge against her. My older brother Bob, (her oldest son from a marriage before she married my father), and my Mother are no longer speaking to each other. They haven't for the past six years, since Karla my sister-in-law had taken over Mom's work when she retired. Mom actually told him that she would disown him, unless he divorced Karla. How wrong it is for one to dictate what their children should do, as she often did to all of us in our adult lives. But, that was just her way of exerting control.

I've often wondered why it is my brothers and sisters have chosen not to talk to me about this particular topic. The only answer I can come up with is that none of them have truly forgiven her. All of them were extremely apologetic the last time Mom had ended up in the hospital, because Mom was furious with them all for not calling me, her baby. They had sworn they would never do thatagain. Yet it happened again yesterday.

Mom, I'm so sorry, that none of your children seem to think it best to keep in touch with each other, due to problems we had at home with you. My prayer is that some healing will take place before you go wherever God leads you to. We need to forgive you, as you also need to forgive us for any wrongs that have occurred in our lives. I pray that my siblings will be able to do that soon, before it's too late.


  • At November 14, 2007 at 7:50 PM , Blogger Suzanne R said...

    You know how much I can empathize with you, Bea. By some miracle, me and my siblings are united in our concern for Mom, and it's other relatives who have been creating conflict. I used to be the person who found out last, though, being the "black sheep" due to leaving the religion of my mother and my sisters, so I can truly relate to your feelings when no one tells you what's going on. You have my prayers -- we can lift each other up.

  • At November 14, 2007 at 8:05 PM , Anonymous healing song said...

    I can agree with you, Suzanne, though I think it had a lot to do with me being the sensetive one that has caused my family not to tell me until last. It's frustrating though.Every time they tell me that they're going to change, they don't. So, I don't sit with baited breath waiting anymore.


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